How many times do we think that we ask for something and we have never said it out loud. I feel like I ask for what I need all of the time and yet somehow never get what I want. I am aware enough to know that I keep ending up in the land of insanity. The definition of insanity that works for me is "if you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.
What stops us from asking? The fears that no one really cares. That people will give us what they want to give us and not what we really want. We really don't know what we want and it is better not to know. No one understands us anyway. I don't know how to say it clearly! Who cares. My Zebra Monster ( please refer to the zebra monster and the authentic self blog, on 2/2/09) is really active today isn't it.
So we all yearn to have someone understand us without having to ask for it out loud. Who wouldn't want a massage, be fed peeled red grapes and being told I adore you without having to ask for it? However, I have never had a massage or peeled grapes that I haven't ask for and perhaps it is better that way.
What i really want is someone to just sit, make eye contact once in awhile, listen,and ask me how they can be of service. I really don't want someone to jump in and assume that they know what I want. I may not even know it until I articulate out loud to a caring listener. So I probably need to reflect upon whether I do this with others. I often do but not always. I probably do it more when I am working then when I am not. After all, this is part of my job description as a psychotherapist.
If you remember the series, In Treatment on HBO, which aired last year. The therapist, Brendan Byrne, is falling apart one minute and then acts as if he is completely fine as he opens the door for another client. In a perfect world, he could say I feel miserable right now , could you listen to me for awhile and then maybe I will listen to you. Actually, because it was on television, he actually does do that often . Perhaps I need to try it and see what happens!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Blogging
Blogging is a huge challenge for me. Really, more accurately technology is a hard language to understand. Perhaps it is my age, perhaps lack of patience but whatever it is I get so upset when I can't get something right. After the first ten times, I want to scream and just give it up. I get so frustrated that the colors, texts and the font sizes are all different and I have not figured out how to edit them . I am truly trying to aim for a coherent view but I can't do it yet . I will not stop doing the blogging but perhaps in time I can manage the technology a bit more easily.
I often just give up with technology and say who cares anyway. However I do feel that blogging gives me a valuable way to express myself so that my unique and unusual ponderings don't keep going round and round in my head. It also gives you some insight into what is going on in my head. All of us walk around with our heads filled with so much really important stuff that blogging gives a voice to. I guess that I could say that the muses made me do it this way!
I often just give up with technology and say who cares anyway. However I do feel that blogging gives me a valuable way to express myself so that my unique and unusual ponderings don't keep going round and round in my head. It also gives you some insight into what is going on in my head. All of us walk around with our heads filled with so much really important stuff that blogging gives a voice to. I guess that I could say that the muses made me do it this way!
Whining and the Inner Child
I have been doing a lot of thinking about whining recently.Let's face it, we all love to whine. Recently, the favorite topics have been the cost of gas, the cold winter, politicians, cost of food, the FDA, etc. How many times do parents tell children, don't whine . Stop whining. Ask nicely. Stop complaining.
What if the whine contains important information that we are totally overlooking in our communications.The whine is a metaphor for a deeper connection to who we are. We don't have money to pay our exorbitantly high PSE&G bills , the mortgage, the doctors bills. Or my husband is mean to me, and my mother in law is nasty! You know the drill. What if all of those statments are a communication from the inner child! As adults we still feel unable to express our true feelings and they morph into whines. Whines can have a life of their own.
Let' s translate the whines into possible truths!
The PSE&G bill is too high- I am angry that you keep the heat up to high when you sleep or you forgo t to close the garage door and let in all of the cold air.
OR
My mother in law is mean- I feel that she does not like me going to work and wants me to stay home and raise the kids. I feel guilty enough.
OR
The cost of gas is too high- We really need to think about changing our lifestyle and I don't want to get rid of the hummer and get an Honda Civic.
I think that part of the human condition is that we do not like to change so we whine. Whining keeps changing at a distance. We whined as kids because it was really hard to make decisions for our selves and we got the underlying message which was to stop feeling!
It is probably time to own those strong feelings that we had as a child when we questioned everything, rebelled against rules, trusted our instincts, and dared to tell the truth. Down with whines! You know that the price of gas is going up again!!
What if the whine contains important information that we are totally overlooking in our communications.The whine is a metaphor for a deeper connection to who we are. We don't have money to pay our exorbitantly high PSE&G bills , the mortgage, the doctors bills. Or my husband is mean to me, and my mother in law is nasty! You know the drill. What if all of those statments are a communication from the inner child! As adults we still feel unable to express our true feelings and they morph into whines. Whines can have a life of their own.
Let' s translate the whines into possible truths!
The PSE&G bill is too high- I am angry that you keep the heat up to high when you sleep or you forgo t to close the garage door and let in all of the cold air.
OR
My mother in law is mean- I feel that she does not like me going to work and wants me to stay home and raise the kids. I feel guilty enough.
OR
The cost of gas is too high- We really need to think about changing our lifestyle and I don't want to get rid of the hummer and get an Honda Civic.
I think that part of the human condition is that we do not like to change so we whine. Whining keeps changing at a distance. We whined as kids because it was really hard to make decisions for our selves and we got the underlying message which was to stop feeling!
It is probably time to own those strong feelings that we had as a child when we questioned everything, rebelled against rules, trusted our instincts, and dared to tell the truth. Down with whines! You know that the price of gas is going up again!!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Zebra Monster and the Authentic self
What is the real self? What is the false self? I have been doing alot of thinking about these selves. Who are we anyway? I talk alot about the soul part of us as the real authentic self.The soul part means that which travels with us as we reincarnate over and over again How many of us can consciously access that part of us on a regular basis. Animals live the authentic self and it is not easy for them.
We are always talking about how honest and open our pets are and how we wish we could be more like them. I wonder sometimes if that is true. They are so loyal to us sometimes it is hard to watch. We can yell at them, feed them their food late, forget to pet them and yet they are always ready to forgive us. How many of us as humans are able to keep showing up for others without consistent acknowledgement that we are doing a good job.
Sometimes, we can get closer to this authenticity by expressing gratitude but then we slip slide into the false self. False self is that part of us that yells at us. you are not good enough, you will never be good enough so don't even try to be better. You are a loser. As you can tell, I have quite a long lasting relationship with this side. Sometimes, I ask friends or clients , what is it that is worthwhile about them and they cannot remember one thing. The self critic is that strong it makes us forget all the good things about ourselves.
I just finished reading the book, The Art of Racing in the Rain, By Garth Stein. It is a great read and written from the point of view of Enzo, the dog. What a fabulous and literate dog he was. He has to come to terms with an evil glinty eyed stuffed Zebra that belonged to his human 5 year old sister. In the beginning, he felt that the zebra was his enemy and causing him to be "el destructo" but in time, he realizes that the zebra is his critical side and it is inside of him. Enzo is horrified by the realization and is finally able to acheive some balance for himself. What if our false self is the zebra monster and the authentic self is the realization that it is a part of us and can be worked with. Thank you Zebra Monster.
We are always talking about how honest and open our pets are and how we wish we could be more like them. I wonder sometimes if that is true. They are so loyal to us sometimes it is hard to watch. We can yell at them, feed them their food late, forget to pet them and yet they are always ready to forgive us. How many of us as humans are able to keep showing up for others without consistent acknowledgement that we are doing a good job.
Sometimes, we can get closer to this authenticity by expressing gratitude but then we slip slide into the false self. False self is that part of us that yells at us. you are not good enough, you will never be good enough so don't even try to be better. You are a loser. As you can tell, I have quite a long lasting relationship with this side. Sometimes, I ask friends or clients , what is it that is worthwhile about them and they cannot remember one thing. The self critic is that strong it makes us forget all the good things about ourselves.
I just finished reading the book, The Art of Racing in the Rain, By Garth Stein. It is a great read and written from the point of view of Enzo, the dog. What a fabulous and literate dog he was. He has to come to terms with an evil glinty eyed stuffed Zebra that belonged to his human 5 year old sister. In the beginning, he felt that the zebra was his enemy and causing him to be "el destructo" but in time, he realizes that the zebra is his critical side and it is inside of him. Enzo is horrified by the realization and is finally able to acheive some balance for himself. What if our false self is the zebra monster and the authentic self is the realization that it is a part of us and can be worked with. Thank you Zebra Monster.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Down the rabbit hole
I have been doing a great deal of thinking about the rabbit hole . First what is a rabbit hole according ? I feel like it is the dark place that we go into when we hear any challenging and hard to hear news about ourselves, our family and loved ones, our planet etc... . This week, I learned that my second dog Roxie has a very small mast cell tumor on her left side . As you can imagine, this news sent me down the rabbit hole for so many different reasons. Pixie, our fairy dog, was diagnosed with this condition about two years ago and this turned our lives upside down. We changed so many things about our lifestyle, and theirs as a result. I thought, here we go again, what are we going to go through now. What did we do wrong that Roxie has it now. Don't get me wrong, I know , that all of the changes that we made , were important and necessary and have kept Pixie alive and well for over two years. However, it is not easy to go through these changes and now again. Perhaps another time, I will write about the dogs and mast cell tumors, Today, I just want to talk about how to work with the rabbit hole . I feel like we can use it to our advantage. Take the energy of everything that could go wrong and focus on what could go differently.
As a planet, we have entered the rabbit holes of scarcity, poverty, ill health, revenge and isolation. I believe that the past presidential elections allowed us to escape our individual holes and focus on a hopeful turn around. We were diverted in a glorous way by the grace and beauty of the Obama family. However they have alot of work to do and they cannot save all of us. We must individually be responsible for getting out of our own ways. We are all facing our own versions of "Roxie's health" . What if these versions are simply challenges to get us out of our ruts and really look at what's next. The universe has an amazing way of guiding us.
Perhaps, if you are faced with losing a job. there were things about that employment that you never liked and now you have a chance to find what you really love.
What if you are ill and already knew that your lifestyle was unhealthy and know you can make the changes to live better. What if the rabbit hole is simply one version of the future and we can change that version. What if none of this is really bad or good and simply information that we can choose to use and not.
For us with roxie, we now get to choose about very practical things like surgery or not, rabies vaccinations, changing our vet to one that matches our desires more clearly or even on a bigger scale. What if part of my work, is to begin doing pet bereavement and loss counseling. Perhaps, this is work that I would never have gotten to without this nudge from the universe. I adore my dogs and perhaps they are quiding this gently and lovingly for me. I feel like the rabbit hole mirror has many dimensions and we get to choose our focus. So what will yours be. Staying in the darkness or noticing that there the shades of light?
As a planet, we have entered the rabbit holes of scarcity, poverty, ill health, revenge and isolation. I believe that the past presidential elections allowed us to escape our individual holes and focus on a hopeful turn around. We were diverted in a glorous way by the grace and beauty of the Obama family. However they have alot of work to do and they cannot save all of us. We must individually be responsible for getting out of our own ways. We are all facing our own versions of "Roxie's health" . What if these versions are simply challenges to get us out of our ruts and really look at what's next. The universe has an amazing way of guiding us.
Perhaps, if you are faced with losing a job. there were things about that employment that you never liked and now you have a chance to find what you really love.
What if you are ill and already knew that your lifestyle was unhealthy and know you can make the changes to live better. What if the rabbit hole is simply one version of the future and we can change that version. What if none of this is really bad or good and simply information that we can choose to use and not.
For us with roxie, we now get to choose about very practical things like surgery or not, rabies vaccinations, changing our vet to one that matches our desires more clearly or even on a bigger scale. What if part of my work, is to begin doing pet bereavement and loss counseling. Perhaps, this is work that I would never have gotten to without this nudge from the universe. I adore my dogs and perhaps they are quiding this gently and lovingly for me. I feel like the rabbit hole mirror has many dimensions and we get to choose our focus. So what will yours be. Staying in the darkness or noticing that there the shades of light?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tower of Babel
What if the significance of the tower of Babel really lies in what happened before it existed. What if everyone spoke the same language, all humans, animals, tree, flowers, water, all of nature. What if the fairies were able to communicate with humans, trees could talk to humans, and dogs could talk to trees and babies and children could talk to everyone. Then I catch myself, well some of those things really do happen, babies do know how to commuicate with animals and flowers easily. Dogs do know how to talk to trees. What has changed is the human factor. Humans speak so many different languages and get confused, We create wars and grudges out of simple misunderstandings.
What if the Native American languages( refer to language post please) that emphasized kinesthetics or feelings were the true language of communication with all things. We often hear that the native way was being connected to all things and valuing all life. What if all traditional cultures, used the same language before the tower of Babel. Gods could talk to humans, to dogs, to flowers to trees to fairies to Godesses.
I want to create that time again. I want all of us to be able to ask our dogs what is the matter and understand the answer. I want to be able to ask the mulberry tree in my yard why it no longer produces berries or the rasberry bushes are all thorns?
What a magical communicative world it could be. If you want to read an interesting writer that does communicate easily with nature, please check out Michaelle Small Wright's books .
What if the Native American languages( refer to language post please) that emphasized kinesthetics or feelings were the true language of communication with all things. We often hear that the native way was being connected to all things and valuing all life. What if all traditional cultures, used the same language before the tower of Babel. Gods could talk to humans, to dogs, to flowers to trees to fairies to Godesses.
I want to create that time again. I want all of us to be able to ask our dogs what is the matter and understand the answer. I want to be able to ask the mulberry tree in my yard why it no longer produces berries or the rasberry bushes are all thorns?
What a magical communicative world it could be. If you want to read an interesting writer that does communicate easily with nature, please check out Michaelle Small Wright's books .
What language are you speaking?
Language
While reading the book "Beyond Words" by Marta Williams, I stumbled upon an amazing discovery. Language can be a kinesthetic communication. I thought that I was the only one that did not think in pictures, I always thought in words. I even dream in words. Sometimes, in other languages, ie. French , Spanish and Greek .
A Native American Linguist named Dan MoonHawk Alford studied native languages for many years. He became aware of dramatic differences between European languages and some native languages. European languages emphasize the noun and are primarily visual. Native languages emphasize the experience and are kinesthetic. So if you are talking about dancing, the English speaker would emphasize the dancer and the native speaker would talk about dancing. Imagine language where the focus is on the feeling of smooth, red hot, intense, breathless and not whether the dancer is male and is ballroom dancing.
This was a huge awareness for me. So some people speak with a visual emphasis and others with feelings. What implications are there for human communication?
What if two people are talking about how to describe a chair. One insists that what matters is the height of it and the other is only aware of the function. Does it fit with the desk and allow leg room? Is it comfortable? It is hard to reach agreement and argument ends the discussion. Perhaps it has to do with which part of the brain, left or right, is emphasized when languaging. Perhaps, it is genetic . What if we are born with kinesthetic language and then lose it as a part of maturation. What if our children are primarily kinesthetic in their language and our educational system emphasizes visual. What if we have to give up our innate language to fit into what society wants us to say?
While reading the book "Beyond Words" by Marta Williams, I stumbled upon an amazing discovery. Language can be a kinesthetic communication. I thought that I was the only one that did not think in pictures, I always thought in words. I even dream in words. Sometimes, in other languages, ie. French , Spanish and Greek .
A Native American Linguist named Dan MoonHawk Alford studied native languages for many years. He became aware of dramatic differences between European languages and some native languages. European languages emphasize the noun and are primarily visual. Native languages emphasize the experience and are kinesthetic. So if you are talking about dancing, the English speaker would emphasize the dancer and the native speaker would talk about dancing. Imagine language where the focus is on the feeling of smooth, red hot, intense, breathless and not whether the dancer is male and is ballroom dancing.
This was a huge awareness for me. So some people speak with a visual emphasis and others with feelings. What implications are there for human communication?
What if two people are talking about how to describe a chair. One insists that what matters is the height of it and the other is only aware of the function. Does it fit with the desk and allow leg room? Is it comfortable? It is hard to reach agreement and argument ends the discussion. Perhaps it has to do with which part of the brain, left or right, is emphasized when languaging. Perhaps, it is genetic . What if we are born with kinesthetic language and then lose it as a part of maturation. What if our children are primarily kinesthetic in their language and our educational system emphasizes visual. What if we have to give up our innate language to fit into what society wants us to say?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
